word of mouth and other things

Last night was an interesting and entertaining affair. I, along with EF, attended the Word of Mouth event at the Thunderbolt pub. It is a regular event but last night was of particular interest as the ineffable Emma Newman and industrious Joanne Hall were both reading from their short story collections and extracts from their forthcoming novels.

There is always something about listening to an author read from their own works, imbuing their words with another layer of evocation and empathy. It is one of the best bits of BristolCon (amongst many) for me – listening to authors reading their stories in relatively intimate surrounds.

*sorry, got distracted there and went and bought my ticket for said BristolCon*

***

Last year was a washout for me, in that my mother died the evening before BristolCon (I didn’t find out until my brother rang me whilst in the first session). I had been looking forward to it so much that I felt utterly and bizarrely conflicted. Part of me wanted to escape into the day, just to immerse myself in the event without having to think or feel too much. The other, more pressing, brotherly part just wanted to get down to Waterlooville to be there for my brother, who had had the misfortune of discovering her body that morning (and had left several frantic messages on my silenced mobile phone).

A bad day, all round. So… none of you buggers have permission to die on or around the 26th of October, partly because it is BristolCon day and partly because dying really is a bit shit and I’d rather you didn’t, generally.

***

On a lighter note, after that slight segue, Emma Newman is launching her new book, Between Two Thorns, this evening at the Forbidden Planet shop on the Triangle in Bristol, at 6pm. It will be glorious. If you get a chance to go, please do so.

***

A segue on Reading Books.

I have done very little of this over the last few weeks, mainly due to the ridiculous workload I have had, which has pretty much drained me of all energy for anything. Ah well, back on the wagon soon enough, too many good books to read.

***

A segue on Writing.

Interestingly, I have been writing, and enjoying it. I am working myself back into completing one of the novels I have started, and I have a Plan, which is always good. Many thanks to the effervescent Nik Perring for the reinvigoration. The man’s writing is a joy (as is he) – go and read his stuff.

Now, before I get stroppy.

***

A segue on Age.

My little brother was 37 on Monday. Thirty-seven. Thirty. Seven.

Fuck me.

snippets and thoughts

I know it doesn't seem like it, given the relative paucity of posts on this blog, but I am slowly getting back into it. True, a few posts lie written but unpublished, and I often wonder whether I will ever blog with the fervour that I used to.

I have often thought about writing, as with running, cycling, climbing, photography, etc, that these things come and go, ebb and flow. I have long come to the conclusion that I am, at heart, sporadic.

One of the things I have started doing is journalling, using the Day One app to just, well, journal. To write and record snippets and thoughts. I started after listening to Documentally boo-ing about his own experience of using the app, and I think he is right – it is tremendously rewarding to blog for an audience of one.

Back in the day my posts were much more personal, more about me, what I believed, thought and felt. As people began to know me, as I became less open and less liable to blog in such a way. Now that many people who know me, either in real life or on twitter, and know of my blog it becomes even harder to do so.

I am, I guess, more guarded with those who know me.

There are two ways to approach this problem. The first is to blog secretly, a single screen amongst a vast ocean of screens, no longer connected to this blog or the person who is me.

The other is to blog for me, only for me, hidden away by my absence.

Perhaps I shall do both. Blog in a secret place, and blog in a secret place.

It isn't that I don't trust you. I trust many of you much further than I could throw you. It is just that the more I blog, the more open I am, the further away from the real me you become. Like a character in a book, the details that make the me are wrought from what I write and what you imagine. The dance between the two of us is what creates that image. I cannot define your thoughts, only influence them, and in that translation, in that imperfect empathy I am no longer really me.

The act of writing defines. The act of reading defines. As I become more aware of the latter the former changes, morphs, becomes more careful, more considered. You have defined me with your reading, in ways I cannot comprehend. I have made me cautious.

Perhaps it doesn't matter. Perhaps what matters is that words do not wither, that stories remain full of potential and poems will always move. Perhaps what matters is not the audience and not the writer and not what is written. Perhaps what matters is the effort, that something, somewhere, is being written, word after word, sentence after sentence, story after story.

Perhaps what matters, to me, is that somewhere, somewhen, somehow, I am writing, and that it isn't necessarily for either of us.

Some of it is a bit rubbish

I am in one of this funny places at the moment. The running is non-existent, the writing is going through a massive crisis of confidence and I am in the middle of a job change (possibly).

Everything else is pretty damned fine otherwise.

The job thing is just distracting, a situation somewhat exacerbated by the fact that the HRs of the company I work for and the company I am hoping to be seconded into are still debating the particulars of my package, with no one else (me, managers, directors, whomever) any the wiser about what is happening. Typically HR I guess.

The two other things are what worry me, although the running does to a lesser extent. I know that if I just get out of the house and onto the path and start running that the love and the joy of it will eventually come back.

The writing is something I am really struggling with. Badly. Let me illustrate. Five weeks ago I started Nik Perring‘s well regarded flash fiction writing course. Five weeks later I am still yet to deliver my first assignment to him. The poor man has been most patient with me.

It’s not that I haven’t been writing (although there has been an element of that), it is a lot to do with me writing something, reading it, rewriting it and then doing the digital equivalent of screwing it up and throwing it in the bin. I pretty much am disliking everything I write at the moment.

Somewhere do I go from here? Well, this weekend is a free one. Other than lunch with a friend on Saturday and a night out with EF on Sunday I am free. So for much of Saturday to Monday will be spent writing, getting words down without analysing or worrying about it. I may even get a run in.

 

the words

I am fresh from being in the audience to two events in BBC Radio 4′ superb More Than Words festival in Bristol. The second event was a live edition of Poetry Please with Roger McGough (very much one of my heroes) and the first was a recording of With Great Pleasure with Cerys Matthews (the second of which I have attended, the first one with Terry Pratchett as the guest).

And they were superb. And both, particularly Cerys’, with her superb reading and intense passion and playfulness, made me realise how little poetry I have both read and written over the last few years. And that is sad.

Cerys’ readings were particularly eovcative and intense, bring words, images and emotions to life. And that is the true power of poetry; that it taps in and enlivens, and that it allows the reader or listener to bring something of their own to the poem.

A little while ago EF showed me a letter she had received from the author Cynthia Voigt in response to a letter she had sent about Tell Me is Lovers are Losers? (below).

 

And there is a fundamental truth in it; that whatever an author or writer or poet unlocks with their words, it is only with the cooperation of the reader that they do so successfully, and not necessarily in the way they may intend. The relationship between the two, the (often) known author and the unknown reader is a fragile unpredictable one, and is far more powerful for it.

The plot of GK Chesterton’s Napoleon of Notting Hill is hinged upon the interpretation and belief in words, the single utterance of the King Auberon Quin, based entirely within his own devised all-encompassing joke, is taken as gospel by Adam Wayne, the young Napoleon of the story. And thus interpretation and belief swap backwards and forwards between the two, driven by the power of words, both uttered and heard.

Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven is one of my favourite poems to read aloud, full as it is with rhythm and rhyme and breathless power. It is a versatile poem, it can be slow and sonerous, or rampaging and rapturous, each word and sentence bringing fresh meaning with each different reading.

The written word finds its origins in the spoken word, the oral tradition stretching back to the times beyond knowing, each tale changing and morphing with each telling, malleable and morphous in the re-telling. Such stories evoked, combining with individual and cultural histories and interpretations to become much, much more than simple words spoken.

Emma Newman, author of 20 Years Later, is currently working on her Splitworlds project, and as part of that project she is writing and releasing a short story based in that world every week for a year and a day. A gifted writer, part of the seduction of her storywriting is that she also releases them in the spoken form, her voice lending further depth and emotion to stories already laden with the subtlety of those qualities.

A while ago I posted this from James Kirkup’s The Descent into The Cave:

The written word is a powerful thing, and spoken aloud it can be as powerful, if not more so. An essential part of that power is the relationship that forms between the author and the reader, the speaker and the listener. Whether writing or reading the act of reading aloud can be redefining act. When writing, remember not only your voice but that of the reader as well, in all its wonderful permutations and interpretations, bringing new meaning to your words and your stories, whatever you may have intended.

ghostchild and golden monkey – elouise

elouise stood at the roadside
and waited
when she was four
she had seen the sky fall
the shattering of the heavens
upon the fragile earth
screaming and the dying
the stink of humans burnt
when she was nine
in a remote and distant field
she found an angel cowering
battered and all broken
wings of bloodied stumps
just mewling and just shitting
eyes seeking upwards
and on her fourteenth birthday
at the village fete
the child of her fair sister
lay crushed beneath a cart
in her nineteenth year
her lover died in her arms
at the age of twentyfour
in the winter sun
the earth shook and crumbled
and the dead walked
til evening dawn
at twentynine
when the goats where herded in
one was heard to speak
and amidst the burning
and the prayers that swiftly
followed
turned and called her name
as she turned thirtyfour
a demon struck a deal
for the soul of her dead mother
and daddy lived forever
on the count of thirtynine
the sun darkened for three days
and three nights
and ghosts crawled the land
on the dusk of fortyfour
she simply stood
and simply waited
until the world
ended

ghostchild, monkey – gifts

ghostchild brought memory
and bitter rage
bequeathed us hatred
and taught us age

monkey crafted mercy
and melancholy
wrapped us in dreams
and the meaning of folly

ghostchild sang terror
whispered sadness
taught us weariness
and bound with blindness

monkey constructed hope
carved in caution
dug up happiness
and played compassion

ghostchild knotted greed
and bandied fears
and doubting voices
that played with tears

monkey battled
and fought all fronts
ghostchild simply sat
and won

Bloodied (The Company) – #fridayflash

They were battered.

Owlish stared at the ground, exhaustion making her eyes blur and her hands tremble.

“Fuck,” said Steeltoe as he crashed to the ground, sprawling beneath the weak afternoon sun.

Talent crouched down beside, slapping her hand on his chest wearily.

“Did you see Diamond? And Pamphlet?”

He groaned in response. Owlish found herself sitting on the ground, her legs finally giving up.

“Both of them, up through the gap. I think they killed everybody up there. And not a fucking mark on either of them.” Owlish blinked. She’d seen some of it, hadn’t believed it then and still didn’t believe it now.

It has been a nightmare. More than that. An ambush. One they had had no choice but to walk in to. And they had been badly bloodied because of it.

She forced herself to her feet, cinching her carbine into place. She hurt. Really hurt. In her bones and in her head.

She had to know. Had to know who had made it and who hadn’t.

There were bodies everywhere. Most were moving, exhaustion and the after-math of battle leaving them shaking, heaving messes. She came across Belvue, kneeling beside two bodies. He glanced up.

“Siskin. JemJem.”

She closed her eyes and swallowed. One veteran, one rookie.

“Others?” she asked.

“I think we lost nine more. Baska, Chent, Velum, Hart, not sure who else.”

He stopped, rubbed his face, holding his hand over his eyes for a long moment before looking back up at her. The weariness in his face scared her.

“I’ve got Torvey and some others gathering them in now. We may lose another six if the medics can’t stabilise them.”

He named some names. Tamper was one of them. Fuck.

She nodded her thanks, her hand resting lightly on his shoulder and squeezing.

She walked away. She wanted to cry.

Another fucking mess.

They were getting slaughtered out here.

***

Last week I wrote what was effectively the last hurrah for Owlish, the Colonel, Torvey and the rest of the Company. These story pre-dates that one, and I plan to write more of these, that slowly move back through time towards the origins of the Company, of Owlish and her ramshackle collection of companions. I hope you like them.