Over the last few days I’ve been making myself wear Ee’s watch, and somewhere along the line I no longer had to make myself do so. I just wore it.
This year has been different. I mourned but I didn’t grieve. I missed him but without the loss. I honoured him but without the guilt.
That is a lie. The guilt is still there, the suspicion that I am partly to blame still persists, although it’s voice is lessened, is weaker. Perhaps it will always be there but time and perspective have helped. Some things though, rationality cannot solve.
Oh. Somehow Ee’s watch has become mine. It will aways be his, but in a way I don’t understand it has also become mine.
And it doesn’t weigh as much as it used to.