I have been lying here in bed, pretty much all day, the vast majority of it asleep. I have a migraine, a pounding, piercing monster of a beast that sits clamped around my head, with a wicked claw thrust through my left eye into my skull. It has not been pleasant, and sleep has been the only refuge. I have been sitting here, awake now, for the last hour or so, thinking gently about things. The migraine has abated slightly, the beast has withdrawn its claw and no longer chews on my brain, satisfying itself with the occasional rough lick of it's savage tongue.
A while ago, as you will know if you have been reading this blog for any length of time, I started to institute some changes, a variety of things for a variety of reasons. I was stuck in a, to continue the theme, variety of ruts; physically, emotionally, spiritually and creatively. Amongst others. Sometimes simply doing stuff isn't anything more than simply doing stuff.
On the physical side I am running and cycling once again, and have lost a ton of weight, and am enjoying the rough and tumble of life. I start climbing again soon and will, when I have time, reattempt to learn to swim properly.
Emotionally and spiritually things are on the move, as they have been for some time. I have faced some hard truths about myself and will no doubt face more. I am working on them, and, well, I think I am getting there. I want to be a better person than the one I have been, and that covers many aspects of my life.
So everything is still work in progress, but one thing I have struggled with for a while, although certain events like NaNoWriMo and Writers' Club (or Secret Club as I call it) have helped immensely.
In truth, much of the progress made to date (with huge spin-offs in good stuff happening) has been down to one person, whose off-hand comments and unexpected support has driven a lot of the positives that have come out of the last two years. Yes, Gail, I'm looking at you, with your 'Why don't you do NaNoWriMo?' and 'I'll bake you a cake if you complete this year's challenge', etc. Thank you, you do not know how much change (for the better) has been wrought out of those innocent asides.
Another brief exchange with Gail the other day has had me thinking once again about aspects still unchallenged, namely my writing and my photography. I love doing both, and yet have felt stymied with the latter and have struggled with the former, although by no means as much as I used to.
A long time ago I started using a technique called 'morning pages' from the book The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. This technique helped me a fair bit at the time, and as its benefits were felt I let it slide, and slowly found myself back in my creative rut. I never utilised the whole range of techniques and processes expounded by TAW beyond the morning pages and I have only just realised that they exist as a package for a reason.
So, starting tomorrow, no matter how rotten I feel, I will once again start my morning pages routine, three pages of incoherent scribbling and outpourings, and this time I will follow up with the rest of the techniques and exercises.
I will see you on the other side.