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Sometimes I am so very stupid. It hit me yesterday, why I have been so out of sorts these last few weeks. I am out of sorts at this time of the year every year, sometimes overwhelmed with sadness. Five years since she passed and I miss her every day. I have missed her more of late. There are things I wish I could talk to her about, ask her about. There are stories and memories for which she was the only key. I miss her laugh and I miss her admonishments. I miss the crazy unexpectedness of 'what-on-earth-will-she-do-next'.

I miss talking to my mum. Gods above I miss her. You'd think five years was enough time for the grief and the loss to begin to fade, but it isn't. It isn't nearly enough.

I'm not used to tears on my face. I'm not a person who cries and yet here I am, crying.