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Grief, out of nowhere, comes like a thunderbolt, long after you thought it cast into the darkness. It arrives like a storm sweeping all before it, shredding rationality, crushing composure, a tornado of uncontrollable, savage devastation.

How long has it been since Ee died? Years and years and years, and yet tonight I grieve, when I thought that the grieving had long passed. 

I understand your darkness, the tumult and the despair and the overwhelming fatigue. I understand the hiding of self, the walling away of the pain, the hurt and the utter loss. I wish I had understood it all then. I wish you were still here. I wish for the warmth of your friendship, of your guile and wicked sense of humour.

Somedays I feel I am defined by grief. For something and someone known, and sometimes, for something and someone unknown. Sometimes I grieve and I simply do not know why.